THE ESSAY
by Maryline Depp
Summary: They're troubled,cut themselves,were abused,have bulimia,anorexia,run away,do drugs... but how do they feel deep inside? As nobody knows that Juliette’s cutting again Peter confronts them to their past through an assignment.Lots of emotions! PLZ REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**HIGHER GROUND "The essay".**

**Summary : **

They cut themselves, have bulimia/anorexia, run away, do drugs, are abused, betrayed, suicidal… … … but how do they feel deep inside? Wanna know? Then read about an essay Peter's giving them to understand how it's like for them! Things they never shared before! PLZ REVIEW!

As nobody knows that Juliette's cutting herself again Peter confronts them to their past through an assignment.

**As always I don't own anything, bla bla blah**

**Author :** Maryline aka Miss SMG DEPP ACKLES

**Date:** July 18th, 2006

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**

In his office Peter was looking for the next homework he would give the cliffhangers. He wanted something that would bring them to think. To think about their past life, their life now that they were at Horizon and their future. Something that would also help him understand them better, what they were going through, things that they had maybe never shared before, things that they might need to say now and share with their new friends. But it wasn't the only reason, he had noticed some change in Juliette's behavior and she didn't seem to want to share much with him or anyone else so he thought that this assignment would be a good thing to get to know what she was thinking and feeling.

Sophie was there looking at him, trying to figure out what he was thinking about.

"What's on your mind Peter ?" she softly asked.

"I'm thinking about their next homework. I'm not really inspired."

"C'mon mountain man, you always know what to give them" she said as she wrapped her arms around him, waiting for him to kiss her, which he did.

"You're amazing" he told her, "You really believe in me, don't you ?"

"If I didn't believe in you I wouldn't be here" she simply answered giving him a huge smile, "So what kind of homework are you thinking of this time ?"

"Well, I was thinking about something about their life, their past, now that they're here and maybe even their future. I don't know, maybe some kind of essay about what they've been going through, how it was like before they got here, how they feel now that they're here and how they think their future will be".

"Wow" Sophie said.

"What ? You think it's a bad idea ?" Peter asked her quite worried about his new idea.

"No, I think it's great. I think it's exactly what they need. They will share things that they might have never shared with us before, they will get to know even more about each other, their life and everything and we will perceive them better as well. Honestly, Peter, I think your idea's brilliant".

"Really ? Wow, thanks Soph. I'm so lucky to have you" He said kissing her once again.

"No… I'm the lucky one".

"Well, how about we're both lucky ?" he said smiling at her before getting up from his chair.

Sophie was now excited too. "Maybe you could even ask them a small poem about what they do or did and how they feel about it, how it makes them feel or how it was like. Like Auggie could write a poem about being in a gang, Scott about how it's like when he was on drugs or how he felt with his step-mother, Shelby could write one about how hard living in the streets is, Juliette about how it's like when she cuts herself or makes herself throw up after eating or lets herself starve… It's a bit delicate but it could be good for them.

"I hadn't thought of that but a poem is a great idea too", he said happy of their ideas, "I think it's group time" he added, "I'll tell them about the new assignment tonight… how many days do you think I should give them to do it ?"

"Well, it depends how long you want the essay to be" she said trying to picture them writing it, "They need time to think about what to write and then actually write. So maybe you should give them like three days.

He smiled at her as they left his office to go to the lounge where the cliffhangers were waiting for the new group session to begin before going to bed. They were wondering what the session would be about today. They also knew that they hadn't been given any assignments since last week and it was quite unusual so they were waiting for the time they'd have something else to do.

Shelby was resting her head on Scott's shoulder, Juliette playing with Auggie's hand which was in hers while they were starring into each other's eyes, Daisy was talking about tarot to Ezra, David was annoying Kat.

"I'm so tired and bored today" Shelby said sighing.

They all nodded thinking the same thing.

"I think Peter's trying to kill us" Ezra said laughing a bit before the other joined him in his laughs.

They didn't see Peter and Sophie enter.

"So I'm trying to kill you guys ?" He questioned smiling, "That's interesting, Ezra, I didn't think of that".

"Oh well, I thought so but still I'm sure we have a big place in your mind and it's killing you" Ezra said making everybody laugh once again.

He waited for them to stop laughing to start tonight's group therapy.

"So, first I want you all to tell me how you're feeling tonight" Peter said, "Who wants to go first ?" he asked knowing the answer already as Juliette raised her hand, "Ok Juliette you start".

"Tired, Auggie"

"Exhausted, Daisy"

"Bored, Ezra"

"Hurt, Scott"

"Tired, Shelby"

"Tired too, Kat"

"Confused, David"

"Don't know"

Peter would usually ask someone who would answer that to elaborate but as David was new and always about to start an argument or fight anytime he could he decided it'd be for another day. But he was concerned about Scott being mad. Something was up, he was sure of it.

"Good, thank you" Peter simply said, "I know this day wasn't that easy, we walked a lot, but I want you to know that I'm proud of you !".

"So it's been a while since your last assignment" Peter started to say before being interrupted".

"See, I told you something bad was about to happen tonight" Daisy said, "The cards told me about that".

"Daisy, please" Peter said.

She just shrugged.

…


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

"So, Sophie and I have been thinking about it for a while and we came up with something" he paused, "I want you to write an essay about you, your life, your feelings, everything BUT it must be personal. I mean about what you've been going through in your respective life. Like Auggie you can talk about how it was like to be in a gang and what they made you do, Scott about sports, drugs and everything else going out at home maybe", he said as Scott looked sadly at his feet, "Juliette about how you perceive your mother, food, and how it makes you feel when you hurt yourself or why you feel like you need to do it", now it was Juliette's turn to look away, "Shelby you can talk about your life once you ran away from home and had to live on your own in the streets, Kat about how you felt when your sister died and why you feel responsible, etc, you get my point !" he said as everyone was now feeling bad and quite sad remembering a few things they didn't want to think about.

Peter looked at everyone's face to try to read them and see what they were thinking about his idea.

"I know it's not going to be easy and you probably don't want to remember those things but it's important that you share more of that with me and also with each other" he said trying to convince them, "You can't keep everything inside forever… I know you've shared a lot since you got here and I'm proud of each of you, you improved a lot and are getting better and that's a great thing but I think there should be more sharing. I mean there are things that you never want to talk about and I can respect that but in the same time it is important that you confront your feelings, what happened to you, what you've been going through, you need to realize how bad it was and how it really made you feel in order to grow up and learn from that.

"Also, we want you to write a poem about it. So we're asking you to write an essay and a poem showing more about your feelings. You can write as much as you want or need, you can vent, it's free, you can write absolutely everything you need. Write as long as you want" Sophie said as they all looked desperate.

"Oh, cool, so I can write 5 lines and then I'm done" David said.

"Go on like this David and you'll be the first one to be given a punishment tonight" Peter said giving him a stern look.

David shut up right away, for once.

"When is it due ?" Scott asked.

"Friday" Peter answered, "So you have three days to do it, please make it worth it"

"But I don't understand why we have to write about that, do you really want to hurt us even more than we already are", Juliette said in a strong voice as tears were filling her eyes.

Peter knew there was more than just that to upset her. She would never complain about an assignment, she would always start working on them as soon as she was given the right instructions. So he knew something was up, something had happened.

"What's wrong Juliette ?" Peter asked her.

"Nothing" she answered as she looked away not to meet his eyes.

"C'mon tell me what's wrong, I can tell there's something bothering you"

"You don't know me" she said coldly.

Peter was surprised to hear her say that, he would be if it was someone else saying that but not her. She was in a lot of pain and he could feel it. He needed to get her to share her feelings and pain but he knew it wouldn't be easy.

_When a kid decided to not let you in and share how they feel there's not much to do and pushing too hard will do no good_, Peter thought to himself.

"Juliette talk to me, don't hold it in, share with me, tell me how you feel ? Something happened recently ? What is it ?" Peter asked.

_Stop it with your stupid questions_, she thought, giving him a stern look that was also sad.

_Good, I made a point there_, Peter thought.

"So Juliette what is it ?"

She wouldn't tell him, she couldn't. She couldn't tell him what she did last night when they were all sleeping. She couldn't face him and the others and tell them that she used the blade she had hidden in the bathroom. She couldn't tell them she cut herself again. No, she couldn't. As everyone was silent they were all concerned about Juliette. She just offered them a fake smile.

"Everything's alright" she lied.

"No it's not Juliette, please don't do this, don't keep it inside, you need to let it out and we'll all deal with whatever it is" Peter said, "You know nobody's here to judge you !"

"Yeah what is it queenie ?" Shelby said as nicely as usual, "I'll bet our little princess here wants us to focus on her, she needs attention".

"Shelby !" Peter said giving her a stern look.

"What ? So Jules, tell us what it is, you have everybody's attention now so tell us your big secret, what is it uh ? Oh I'll bet you cut yourself again, right, or maybe you ate a bit too much and made yourself throw up, or maybe even both ?" Shelby said as Juliette got up wanting to leave.

"That's it Shelby" Peter said, "Kitchen duty for one week !"

"Eh that's not fair, I'm just trying to help here, you guys want her to talk so I'm trying to"

"Oh yeah" Auggie said mad at her for the way she always treats his girlfriend, "By pushing her to leave, is that how you do ?"

Shelby didn't know what to answer. As Auggie wanted to get up to follow his loved one Peter told him to stay there as he followed her himself. He found Juliette crying outside.

He came to her and nicely put his hand on her shoulder to reassure her and show her that she wasn't alone and to try to comfort her and invite her to talk.

"What's wrong Juliette, please talk to me" Peter asked in a soft voice.

"Nothing, I'm fine" Juliette said once again between sobs.

"Okay, then if you're fine why are you crying ?"

She didn't answer. She just walked to her dorm and Peter knew that he couldn't get her to talk tonight.

_Hopefully she'll open up to Daisy or Kat or Auggie or someone_, he thought.

Once in her dorm, Juliette, still sobbing, went to the bathroom, found her hidden razor blade, took it in her hand, smiled at it knowing that it was the only thing able to understand her and make her feel a bit better for a moment, a too short moment. She also knew that she would feel bad again after but she didn't really care. She needed it, she needed to do it now, to hurt herself, to cut her skin, to bleed, to ease her pain she can't face… She could hardly breathe, she was shaking a bit, she needed it. Without thinking too much about it she violently cut herself, her upper arm, and watched the blood hitting the ground. She then waited for the new pain she needed to focus on that only and forget about the rest. She was looking for her release. She soon felt that well known feeling of well being; she shut her eyes as she dropped the blade. She was able to breathe again. A few minutes later she heard some noise in the dorm, the girls were coming in, she quickly cleaned the mess she had made and went to her bed. The others tried to ask her what was wrong but she didn't even look at them and just went to bed.

In the guys' dorm they were all worried about Juliette. All but David who was making stupid jokes as usual.

"I'm worried about Jules" Auggie said.

"I know" Scott said trying to comfort his friend, "Don't worry, I'm sure she'll come to you once she's ready to talk about whatever's bothering her".

"I know… but she always shares everything with me, so why not now ? What is it that she has to hide from me ? I thought we had no secrets for each other" Auggie said in a sad voice.

"Well, think about it Auggie, what could she hide from you ? Another guy maybe" David said savoring how he was trying to torture his friend.

"Shut the fuck up !" Auggie yelled at him, "How dare you say that ? Come over here" he said inviting him for a fight.

"Eh calm down Auggie" Scott said trying to calm him down, "He's just trying to get on your nerves like always", he said giving David a stern look.

"Don't you ever talk about my girl that way ever again !" Auggie yelled as David was laughing.

Hearing the noise Peter came in their dorm wondering what was going on.

"What's up guys ?" he asked angrily.

"Nothing captain" David said.

"David !" Peter said not really knowing how to continue his sentence or what else to say.

"What now ?" David said faking being mad, he just wanted to annoy Peter and everyone else.

"Kitchen duty for two weeks !" Peter said with a big smile.

"Why so long ?" David asked, "I've done nothing"

"Want three ?" Peter asked knowing this would shut him up.

Peter looked at him and David was silent. He then tried to reassure Auggie who he could see was in a lot of pain worrying so much about Juliette.

"Listen up guys, I don't know more than you about what's bothering Juliette now" Peter said.

"But isn't it your job ?" Auggie asked angrily.

"Look Auggie, I'm doing my best, I just…"

"I'm sorry Peter, I didn't mean to say that… I know" Auggie said realizing what he had said.

"I know Auggie, don't worry"

"Wow, so he can insult you pretending you don't know how to do your job and you don't give him a punishment but when it's me… it's different" David complained.

"You're so wrong David" Peter said, "Just try to…"

"Whatever, I don't care" David said as he went to the bathroom not to be around them anymore.

Peter let him go. Once he was done trying to reassure Auggie he told them to go to bed and to work on their essay and poem tomorrow already. He left the dorm and walked towards the girls' dorm to listen if there was any noise or if they were sleeping already. It was calm so he guessed they were sleeping and he went back to his office where Sophie would be waiting for him like always.

…


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

The next day the cliffhangers went to class and had some activities like usual but nothing too hard or tiring, just small things to keep their mind off the bad things. Juliette still wouldn't talk. Even though she tried to behave in a normal way, including laughs and everything, Peter wasn't stupid. He could feel her pain, that nothing had changed during the night, she was just trying to hide it, that he was sure ! He wanted to see her in one-on-one therapy to try to get her to talk today.

As they were outside, on a break between two classes, he called her.

"Yes Peter" she said walking towards him.

"How are you doing Juliette ?" he asked.

_Great, he's gonna start again_, she thought, _time to wear that mask better and fake a huge smile hoping he buys it._

"I'm fine, thanks, and you ?"

"I'm doing fine, thank you. Umm I'd like to see you for some one-on-one therapy" He said wondering how she would react to that.

_Great that's what I thought_, she thought, _he didn't forget and now he's about to try to force me to talk again. Be strong Jules_, she told herself.

"Sure, no problem" she said lying to him, offering him a fake smile, "When ?"

"How about now ?" he asked.

"Well, in case you forgot I have another class in a few minutes" Juliette said.

"It's ok, I'll tell your teacher why you're not in class"

_Too bad_, she thought, _no way to avoid this therapy thing now_, she thought still faking a smile as she followed him to his office.

The rest of the cliffhangers were looking at them, trying to picture what was going on and where they were going. They hated not to know, they were all curious, and some, like Auggie, Scott and Kat, were really worried about Juliette.

"Where are they going now ?" Auggie asked out loud.

"I'll bet they're going to have a one-on-one therapy" Shelby said not really worrying about her friend.

Peter invited Juliette to sit down, which she did. She never let her fake smile drop to a sad face around others today. Peter knew it was fake. Just like he knew that she didn't want to have some therapy now. And he knew that it would be hard to get her to open up but he wanted to try once more.

"So, Juliette, tell me what's on your mind right now ?" He asked an unprepared Juliette.

She usually knew how to deal with questions, especially his, and how to not answer them or be vague in her answers but this time she wasn't prepared for that one. She had to think quickly and Peter noticed.

"Umm, well, not much" she said faking that same smile.

"That's not an answer and you know it" he said, "Everything good between you and Auggie ?"

Juliette didn't like it when someone would ask about her private life, even though here at Horizon nothing was really private. Living in that special school or center or whatever you wanted to call it wasn't like a dream. They would always search your clothes, bags and everything and they couldn't have any intimate moments with their lover unless they would slowly get up at night and meet in the shed or something with the risk of being caught by one of the guards and then be punished by one of the counselors themselves or even Peter on the next day, but it was worth it !

Then, for some reason, Juliette remembered what happened the other day and last night again, how she had used her blade one more time, how she had bled once again, how she now had to hide. That almost brought tears to her eyes but as Peter noticed she was deep in thoughts and called after her she quickly tried to forget and smile again.

"What's wrong Juliette, I felt like you weren't with me anymore for a while ?" Peter said.

"Nothing's wrong" she said with the same smile.

"Has something happened ? You know you can tell me" he said trying to show her that he truly cared and wasn't just some shrink doing his job like most of them who care about the money and that's it and consider people sick and not human beings. Peter truly cared for those kids and he often saw them as his own kids, his family, he loved them all, he wanted to be there for them always. Also, he was like the big brother, the father, they never had.

"Nothing happened" she simply answered.

"Don't lie to me, please, I can tell there's something, why don't you want to tell me ? Don't you trust me anymore ?" He asked in a hurt voice.

She hated seeing him that way, she felt guilty for not talking to him, but she just couldn't, how could he understand anyway ? How could he understand that she couldn't help it, that she needed to cut herself again ! And she was so ashamed ! And feeling disgusting.

Then as she would look away to stare at the ground he thought about what she might have been doing ? He just wasn't sure how to bring that up, he knew that communication was really important and right now it seemed to be broken.

"Did you do something _wrong_ ? Something you regret ?" he asked trying not to mention the words, not to freak her out knowing that confronting someone to their cutting was always something delicate to do as people never want to talk about that and are just ashamed and disgusted and just fear others' judgment. He knew how it was like. He knew she'd just try to deny. He knew he had to find another way to bring that up and get her to talk about it.

She just didn't answer, she was starring at the ground, tears in her eyes, she could feel them but tried hard not to let them fall down her cheeks. But Peter noticed. He decided to tell her nothing. _At least she's showing some emotions_, he thought. He wasn't sure whether she had been cutting again or making herself throw up again but he definitely knew that there was something. She wouldn't open up to him, that he knew, she would deny everything and that would do her no good, she'd only feel worse after that and bad for crying if she couldn't help it.

"Ok, Juliette, you may go back to class" Peter said giving up but for now only, then he had a look at his watch "Oh, your class is over, it's lunch time, now" he said, "So go eat and don't forget to work on your essay and poem, ok ?"

She didn't even dare look at him and just left his office.

_Lunch time, great_, she said to herself, _they can put their damn food where they want, I don't want it !_

Once outside she waited for everyone to be inside to eat and she stayed alone outside for a bit, resting her head against a tree.

After doing some more thinking, which brought tears to her eyes once more, she decided to go to her dorm to take a nap or something.

But before that there was something she needed to do… again.

She rushed to the bathroom and looked for it, her blade. But to her surprise it wasn't where she had left it, hid it.

"Oh God, no" she said out loud, "Where is it ? Where the hell are you ?", she said talking to her blade as if it was a person.

"Is it what you're looking for ?" a voice asked showing her the blade.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

That was it, she had been caught, Juliette felt the world fall apart. Then she looked up to see Kat holding her blade.

Juliette didn't say anything, she didn't know what to say but she needed her blade, and she needed it now.

"Please Kat, give it to me, I need it" she said with a shaky voice.

"No, you don't Juliette, you don't need it" Kat said, "It's just in your head".

"How do you know ? You don't know how it's like" she started to say crying a bit, "Please Kat give it to me now, I just need it, just one more time. And it's not just in my head ! I just need it, I really do !".

"How long has it been going on Jules ? When did you start cutting again ? What triggered that ? You were doing so well !"

"You have no idea and stop it with all your questions ! What's up with all your stupid questions, why can't everybody just leave me alone ?" Juliette said between sobs.

"We just want to help you ! We're your friends, you know that, we're a family, we help each other… I have to inform Peter about this" Kat finally said.

At that last statement Juliette freaked out and nearly fainted.

"No, please don't, don't do that Kat you can't !"

"I have to. Juliette you hurt yourself again, this is serious ! You have to get help, you have to let Peter and us help you, you're not alone, you don't have to deal with it on your own, you…"

"Please Kat, it's not what you think, it just happened once, I swear, it was nothing ok, I'm not addicted again, I swear that time is over, it just happened once and that's it, I'm fine, now please give it to me"

"You're not fine Juliette !" Kat said trying to make her understand that she was in a serious condition and not doing well at all, that it was dangerous and could get worse and that she needed to get help.

"I am fine ! And stop telling me the way I feel, what do you know anyway ?"

"You're not fine Juliette" Kat repeated once again.

Juliette was sobbing, she didn't know what to think or do or say.

"C'mon stop denying it" Kat said, "You know what you did, and it wasn't just once" she said as she took her arm, rolled up her sleeve, to look at it.

"Eh what the hell you doing ?" Juliette said trying to not let her see her arm, which was too late as Kat was quick to roll up her sleeve and see the fresh scars, a lot of them, some looking quite bad.

"Oh Jules" she said sad for her friend, "Look at your arm ! It is a lot and don't tell me it happened just once".

Juliette wouldn't even look at her arm, she just couldn't. Of course she was lying and she knew it and she knew that her friend also knew but she couldn't be honest and admit it, it was too hard. And she knew that once she admitted it she'd have to face it and deal with it. Thing she didn't have to do until she didn't admit it.

"Juliette, be honest with yourself ! I know it's hard but…"

"I don't want to listen to you anymore, I'm fine, just give it to me and leave me alone !" Juliette said.

"You have a problem Jules"

"No, I don't, please just give it to me and go"

"I'm sorry I can't do that, I have to see Peter" Kat said knowing what the right thing to do was.

"No, please don't do that, don't tell him, I won't do it anymore, I swear, just this one and then it's over, I can stop anytime I want" Juliette said as she was not only lying to her friend but also to herself.

Kat was annoyed, she didn't know what to do. Well, she knew what she should do, tell Peter about this but she also knew that she couldn't betray her friend, it was for her own good but she couldn't do that.

"Alright, here's what we gonna do" Kat started to say, "I'm not going to go see Peter today" she said as Juliette seemed relieved, "But I want you to go tell him yourself"

"What ? Are you kidding ? NO WAY !" was Juliette's answer.

"You have to ! You have to tell him, let him help you, and the others too, us, your friends, Auggie, everyone. Nobody will judge you for this and you know it, we just want to help you but you have to be honest with us !

Juliette was lost, she didn't know what to say. She just lost her balance and was sitting on the ground in no time, crying, in pain, confused. Kat kneeled down beside her.

"You're not alone Juliette, we're all here for you, you have to trust us and let us in, ok ? You can do that, you did it once when you first got here and thanks to that, that you let us help you, you got better and now you're happy with Auggie. I can understand that you don't want to tell me why you're doing this to yourself again but…"

"Auggie" Juliette said, "He'll never love me again after this, he won't look at me, I'm just disgusting"

"Eh stop it Jules, that's not true, you know it, there's nobody he loves more than you !" Kat said, "And it's killing him not to know what's going on with you… Well, ok I won't go talk to Peter but you have to, I know it's not easy and I could go with you if you wanted but I really think it's something you have to do alone, trust me. Maybe not today, I can understand it might take some time for you to get ready to go talk to him but you have to ok and remember that he's not there to judge you but to help you !"

"Ok, I'll go talk to him in a few days when I feel ready for it" Juliette said as she tried to calm down.

"Alright" Kat said smiling.

"Kat ?" Juliette called out.

"Yeah"

Juliette didn't say anything but she was looking at the blade that her friend was holding.

"Oh no, don't even think about it" was Kat's answer.

"P L E A S E !" Juliette was now begging, "Just one more time and than it's over"

"You really need help Jules, you're addicted again, maybe even stronger than before".

Those words hurt Juliette. She really thought that she could stop whenever she wanted, she didn't believe she was addicted but she was !

Kat left without a word and threw the blade in the toilet and flushed.

Juliette was now alone in the dorm, thinking, _Great you can be proud of yourself now idiot ! Someone caught you and now it's gonna be hell again, I have to think about what to do, I have to run away. But first right now I need to get some release_, she thought.

She was going crazy, looking after something to cut herself like a drug addict looking for some dope. She was looking for something sharp to self harm, anything, but it wasn't easy to find when you had your things searched regularly, it was big already that she could hid one razor blade. But now she didn't have it anymore. She had to find something. She was opening the furniture and everything she could find to try to find something sharp. When she couldn't find anything she started scratching herself with her nails. It was also 'good', no scars, direct pain, what she needed ! If she could scratch hard enough she would go kind of deep, still less deep than with the blade and less dangerous as you couldn't really hit an artery or something, and there was still the pain but still it wasn't as 'good' as cutting. But it was better than nothing to help her calm down before finding something to cut herself with.

She was looking everywhere, she felt like she was crazy as it was harder to breathe and she would shake and feel really bad.

"It's not just in my head !" she repeated to herself, "There must be something here !" She said as she was still looking everywhere.

Then she found it behind the door, a small piece of glass from when Shelby had gotten mad a few days ago and had broken one of her mirrors. The bathroom had been cleaned but apparently they had forgotten that piece of glass, they didn't look closely enough but Juliette found it. In a hurry she took it to her skin and cut herself once again, several cuts without even really looking at what she was doing. So fast she wasn't sure what body part she had hid this time. So fast the blood was running from her veins. At this very moment she didn't really care. She was there sitting, resting her head against the sink, shutting her eyes as she felt the feeling of relief she was waiting for.

A few minutes later she regained her senses, was calmer, cleaned the mess once again and thought about hiding that new tool somewhere else.

_Where can I hide it ?_ she wondered, _I need to find a place nobody will find it_, she thought knowing that soon she'd need to use it again.

She found a small place behind the sink, she hurried herself to hide the blade in. Then, she checked one more time to make sure that the bathroom was clean before reaching her bed to do some reading before going to her next class.

…


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

While all of this was happening Peter was eating with other teachers and counselors when his eyes met the cliffhangers' table. He noticed right away that someone was missing… Juliette wasn't sitting with them. He stood up and went to them.

"Where's Juliette ?" He asked them.

"Well, apparently not here" David said making fun of Peter who in response gave him a stern look.

"I saw her in our dorm before I got here" Kat said feeling bad about not telling everything.

"Okay, thanks Kat"

"You're welcome Peter".

"Did she say anything ?" he asked her, "Did she seem strange or anything ?"

Kat knew she couldn't tell the truth, she had allowed Juliette to take a few days to come to him herself. She hated lying, she really did ! But she had no choice !

"You know, Peter, honestly I didn't really pay attention, I…"

"It's ok Kat you don't need to explain" Peter said as he walked away towards the girls' dorm.

As Juliette heard some noise from someone approaching she shut her eyes faking being asleep hoping that then nobody would bother her.

It worked ! Peter stopped at the door and saw Juliette lying on her bed; eyes shut and decided to not wake her up. After staying there for a few seconds he finally left.

She opened her eyes and started thinking about the essay and poem she had to write. She didn't want to do that but she knew she didn't have a choice. She didn't want to write down her feelings about what she was doing, how she was cutting herself, and how she was feeling about that and life in general. Nobody would understand anyway.

The others were done with their lunch and Auggie was looking for Juliette. When he couldn't find her outside he thought that she might be in the dorm. Once again Juliette heard some noise and shut her eyes not to be disturbed. Auggie called out her name as he arrived but then stopped making any noise as he saw her sleeping wondering whether he should wake her up or not. He so wanted to ! He wanted to talk to her, be close to her and even kiss her as there were no counselors around to not let them do that.

Of course Juliette recognized his voice but she didn't move, she didn't want him to be near her, touch her, she was too disgusting, she hated herself for what she was doing, for cutting again, and she couldn't stand having someone touch her, for fear that someone might accidentally hit a place she cut and she would scream in pain and then they would all know. And she didn't want Auggie to have a bad opinion about her. She feared he would leave her.

Auggie finally left. He went to find the others outside. They wanted to know about Juliette.

"So, where is she ?" Scott asked concerned.

"She's in the dorm, sleeping" Auggie answered.

"I wonder how come she's that tired all of a sudden" David said with a smile, "What has she been doing or with who ?" he said trying to get on Auggie's nerves like always.

"Shut the fuck up !" Auggie yelled at him !

David smiled.

"Don't listen to him, Auggie, you know he's just trying to annoy you that's all he always does, just ignore him" Scott gently said trying to make his friend feel better.

David kept talking for a while but nobody paid attention to him anymore so he was mainly talking to himself.

…


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

Hours passed. The cliffhangers met in the lounge an hour before tonight's group session to work a bit on their essay and poem. Juliette joined them. She thought she better do that than have them worry about her and come look after her. She got ready to wear that mask and fake smiles to her friends.

As she sat down beside Auggie everyone glanced at her. She tried to not pay attention.

"Feeling better ?" Scott asked.

_Great, they're questioning me again_, Juliette thought as she faked a smile.

"Yes, thank you, I was just a bit tired" she lied.

Kat was glancing at Juliette, it was killing her to see her friend like that. _She must be in a lot of pain_, she thought, _something must have happened to make her cut again._

Juliette tried to caught nobody's eyes, she couldn't see them, see the look they'd be giving her, she feared that she'd just burst into tears and she didn't want that. Because then she'd be vulnerable… and she would talk, she would say everything, she didn't want that ! It was her little secret, well now Kat also knew and she didn't like that idea because she could tell Peter or someone else anytime and it was another fear and stress for Juliette.

Auggie hugged his girlfriend and what she feared to happen just happened. She tried hard not to yelp in pain as he just hit one place on her arm she had been cutting. Maybe he even reopened her wound. She tried not to worry too much about that because she was wearing a black blouse and she would go check her wound in the bathroom in a bit. She just couldn't now that she had just arrived in the lounge.

As Ezra saw David opening his mouth probably to say something unkind again and make everyone, especially Juliette, feel uncomfortable he punched him in the elbow so all David said was "ouch".

"Maybe we better try to get our homework done" Auggie said trying to have everyone focused on something else than Juliette. She appreciated that and faked him another smile. He just kissed her on her forehead just in case one of the counselors would come in. You couldn't be punished for kissing someone's forehead, it wasn't anything sexual. They didn't want to be punished.

They all knew the rules of Horizon, they could hear Peter's voice saying them all the time like a broken disk : _"The rules here at Horizon are real simple; there's no drugs, no sex, no violence, no inappropriate touching. If you break those rules you'll be given a punishment. Anything you say to me or another counselor will remain private unless you give me permission to tell others. The only exceptions are if I suspect self destructive behavior or towards others"._

"So" Shelby said, "What are you guys going to write about ?" she asked talking about the essay.

"Well" Ezra said, "You heard Peter, you have to write about your life and everything that's been going wrong, that kind of stuff"

"I see" Shelby said not happy about that idea, "Just a way to remember everything we're trying hard to forget"

They all groaned not wanting to talk about that part of their life. It's true that they were trying hard to forget about those things and Peter was helping them to get better. They were all wondering why Peter had asked them to do that. Did he want to torture them ? That was what they all had in mind. They just didn't understand why.

In fact, Peter had asked them to write about their life and everything they had been facing to try to understand them better because even though they shared quite a lot with him there were still lots of things left unsaid, that he knew. And he wanted to know. More than that, he needed to know in order to be able to help them even better, to help them face reality, to help them grow up from their mistakes, to help them get better…

He knew it was going to be hard for them to write about that and that it would bring back a lot of bad memories they were trying to forget and a lot of pain but it was needed.

They were all sighing as they took their notebook and a pen thinking about what to write and how to write it.

"Do you guys think we have to follow some special rules to write that ? I mean does it have to look like something with chapters or something ? Peter wasn't clear on that" Daisy said.

"Well, no I don't think so" Kat said, "I think that the important is what you write and not how you write it."

"Makes sense to me" Ezra said.

They thought about that and tried to write something for around an hour before it was group time and Peter entered.

They all sat as usual waiting for the new session to begin. Like always they weren't too happy about that.

It would always start the same way and they knew it.

"So, tonight we're going to start by…" Peter started to say before being interrupted by Daisy.

"Telling the way we feel" Daisy said rolling her eyes, "We know Peter".

They all laughed, so did Peter.

"Alright, I see you have a good memory" he said jokingly.

"Well, we're not all blonde" Kat said to annoy Shelby.

"Eh" Shelby protested.

"Alright, enough girls !" Peter said preventing a new argument that would lead nowhere, "So who wants to start ?"

Nobody raised their hand. Peter, as well as the others, was surprised to not see Juliette raise her hand as usual. She would always want to start but not today. She was barely paying attention. Just a confirmation that something was wrong with her. Peter wanted to find out but he had to wait for the right moment. He had to get to her, to get her to talk to him and tell him what's happening.

It would always make him sad when one of those kids wouldn't let him in and trust him enough to open up to him, he was sad everytime he lost a kid, everytime he felt kept at a distance or lied to.

But he knew that now was the time for group so not the time to focus on Juliette.

"So, nobody ?" he asked just to get a general groan, "Ok, well, Daisy you start".

"Angry, Ezra"

"Tired, Kat"

"Confused, David"

"Happy, Scott" David said always happy to see others in trouble or unhappy or mad or whatever.

"Weird, Shelby"

"Same, Auggie"

Peter gave them an unhappy look as she didn't answer but just copied Scott's answer but he didn't say anything.

"Concerned, Juliette"

She was daydreaming, she wasn't paying any attention and hadn't heard her name.

Shelby punched her a bit to make her move.

"What ?" Juliette said in an angry voice.

"Eh be nice, queenie" Shelby said, "I'm just trying to avoid you some problems that you might now have anyway as you were so discreet" she said with a smile.

"Oh, Tired, Auggie" she said the first thing that crossed her mind. And she didn't realize that Auggie had already answered that.

"I already did it Jules" Auggie said concerned about Juliette's state.

"Oh, sorry" she simply said looking at the ground not wanting to see anyone's eyes on her.

"What were you thinking about Juliette ?" Peter tried to establish some kind of communication but she wasn't ready to talk yet.

"Nothing" she said faking a smile, "I'm sorry, I'm just a bit tired, it's ok, everything fine" she managed to lie quickly, "I'm sorry".

_No you're not fine Juliette_, Peter thought, _Why won't you talk to me ?_

"So, tell me guys how are the essay and poem going so far ? Peter asked.

They groaned.

"Alright, I see" he said, "Don't forget it's due in 2 days."

"We know that Peter" Daisy said rolling her eyes, "You keep telling us"

"Just to make sure you know it" he said offering them his huge smile that always made girls find him really cute and sexy.

"So now I'd like us to talk about what was the best and hardest for you at home with your parents ?" Peter said knowing they wouldn't like it.

"Peter please no" Scott said, "C'mon you know how it was for all of us."

"True, we don't want to talk about that" Shelby said supporting her lover.

"Eh guys listen up" Peter started, "I'm the one to choose what to discuss about and…"

"Yeah, you don't care what we think" David said, "You never did".

"Peter why do we have to do this ?" Kat asked in a shaky voice, "First that assignment about our past and problems and everything we're trying hard to forget, and now this"

"I'm not finished" Peter said, "And David you know that it's wrong !" Peter thought about what to say next. "If I didn't care you'd be in jail right now and you know it. Most of you would be !"

Everybody was now silent because they know that he was right about that. Of course it was a special school for troubled kids, at risk teens as Peter always said, and it was better than being in jail. Of course they were rules to follow and it wasn't always fun or easy but they were friends, most of the time, they had a nice place to sleep, read, and do lots of activities, perhaps too much.

They knew they would be in jail if there wasn't this place as jail is the place to be for prostitutes, trouble makers… or even worse… they would be dead.

"And Kat" Peter said, "You know I always do things for a reason, just trust me on this, I just want to get to know you even better than I already do, I have to in order to help you better. My intention isn't to bring back those painful memories but it's needed here, I need to understand and I know that for most of you it's easier through writing than talking face to face.

_Though you'll have to read what you wrote in front of me and the rest of the group_, Peter thought. He didn't tell them that yet and he wouldn't before the right moment otherwise they wouldn't write as much as they need to.

Also, he didn't tell them that the assignment was now and not in a few weeks because he could feel that there was something with Juliette and it would be a good way to know what's wrong or how she's feeling, how she's been feeling all her life.

"So, Kat you start, please, just a few words, anything you want to share" Peter said.

"Ok" she said sighing, "My parents loved me since they adopted me and I always got along well with my sister" she said trying to not let the tears come to her eyes. "Then once she died my parents were too much on me, I couldn't cry in front of them, I had to be strong, I was all they had left and it was very hard".

"Ok, thank you" Peter said not wanting to bring them all to tears so he thought about stopping them after they said a bit, "Daisy you're next".

"Ok" she rolled her eyes once again as she sighed, "Seeing my parents drunk everyday, driving crazy with me in the car, me beating up my dad, I guess that was the hard part" she said as fast as she could to not let anyone perceive any emotions.

"Thanks for sharing… And how about the best part ?" Peter asked.

"Well, I can't remember anything good about being home" Daisy said.

"Ok" Peter said thinking about who to ask next, "Ezra"

"Easy" he said, "My parents don't love me and they're just fighting for me with their divorce thing"

"Your parents do love you Ezra" Peter said trying to be comforting, "You know it, they just don't know how to show it".

Ezra just shrugged. Peter didn't want to ask him about anything good about being home because he knew that the answer wouldn't be positive and he didn't want to hurt the kid even more than he already was even if, according to Peter, remembering painful memories can sometimes be a good thing and necessary.

"Juliette, your turn" Peter asked hoping she would open up a bit.

She faked a smile. "Well, I love my room and my friends and I don't like the way my mother's treating me and how she always wants me to be perfect and all, you all know that" she said without letting her fake smile drop.

Peter wished she had said more, like about her relation with food and her cutting but apparently he would get nothing out of her today. He knew there was more to it, about being home and everything, but he didn't want to push now.

One of the first things you were taught in psychology was to not push when it wasn't the right moment and that if it could do a lot good to get someone to open up and share painful things it could also do a lot of damage !

It's all about asking at the right moment and Peter knew that now, with the rest of the Cliffhangers around, wasn't it.

"Shelby you're next" Peter said.

"At home I loved being with my sister, I hated Walt… that's it I don't want to say more, you all know anyway"

"That's ok Shelby, thank you"

Peter wished she had shared more even though they all knew what was happening at home, it was important to him that they shared as more as possible with him.

Scott was next.

"I loved being some kind of leader, been good at sport, and I loved the time my parents were still together, then they got a divorce, Elaine arrived and married my dad and then at night…" he stopped not to cry "Well, you know".

"Thank you Scott" Peter said as Shelby put her hand on his shoulder to show that she was there.

"Auggie it's your turn" Peter said.

"I had lots of friends but being in a gang and dealing drugs wasn't a good thing, at home it was ok at times, my mother loves me very much, I know that"

"Thanks Auggie, David your turn"

"My dad and I don't get along very well" that's all David said.

"That's it ?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, that's enough" David said quite angry at his dad probably.

"Ok thanks" Peter said, "You'll try to share more next time".

He looked at all those faces in front of him and realized that none of them seemed motivated and they were all exhausted so he decided that it was enough for tonight.

"Ok we're done for tonight" he said as they all smile and got up, "Go to your dorm, lights out in 30".

Like always the guys would walk the girls till their dorm and would make sure there was no counselor around before kissing them and hugging them wishing them sweet dreams.

Only David and Kat were single. Of course that gave David some ideas.

"Eh Kat, don't you notice something sad about it ?"

"I don't even wanna know what you thinking of David, just shut up ok" Kat said knowing that nothing smart could come out from his mouth.

"Oh c'mon, have you ever thought of…" he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Eh back off, there's no way you're ever going to have your hands on me so don't dream"

"Ok ok I was just kidding, you should learn to laugh you know it's good sometimes" he said making fun of her.

"Go to bed David" she said wishing he would just shut up.

"Coming with me ?" he asked jokingly knowing it would get her angry.

"You're so stupid" she simply said as he walked towards his dorm and she entered hers.

The other girls asked about what was going on with David and she simply told them that he was a lonely jerk trying to get a girlfriend. They laughed.

They then all went to bed.

At night, Juliette woke up for some reason, she didn't know why, she wasn't feeling good. She had a quick look at her watch and saw that it was 3.07 am.

_Wow_, she thought, _it's early why am I not sleeping ? And why am I feeling that bad ? I'm shaking a bit, what's wrong with me ?_

She didn't know what was happening but she got up and went to the bathroom, she put some cold water on her face and when she had a look at herself in the mirror she was disgusted.

_You're just disgusting ! _ she told herself, _Nobody's ever going to like you, even less when they know what you do_.

She sat on the ground and looked at her hands shaking and then she felt really hot, she was sweating a bit and found it hard to breathe, she was feeling bad. Something was missing and she knew what. She just didn't want to admit it but she knew as soon as she woke up.

A urge to cut, that was it, she knew it, she also knew what it meant, that she was addicted to it, that she needed it, her body needed it, her mind, it was so strong, that bad feeling growing stronger by the second.

She knew there was nothing to do to avoid it and that fighting would be a waste of time. There was only one thing she needed right now and it was the blade.

She went to grab it and rolled up her sleeves.

Without too much thinking she hit hard and deep, she cut on her upper arm where she knew that nobody would see and then on her upper leg.

After she was done she dropped the blade and it fell on the ground. Soon the blood and pain followed and she shut her eyes. The bad feeling was gone, she wasn't shaking anymore, she was able to breathe again, she felt better. Also bad for what she had done but that was another story.

She cleaned the mess and went back to bed.

The next day was like every other day except that Juliette would still fake smiles and not talk much. They worked a lot more on their essay and poem, sometimes together in the lounge, sometimes in their respective dorm, at lunch time, a bit of everywhere. They knew it was due tomorrow so they couldn't wait for the last second to do it.

…


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

It was the day ! That moment ! It was 7.30 pm, they had just eaten, at 8 pm they had to go to the lounge for group with Peter and Sophie. What they knew was that they had to give their essay and poem, what they didn't know was that they'd have to read them out loud for everyone, Peter, Sophie and the other Cliffhangers, to hear.

They had 30 minutes left to read their work once again to see if there was nothing they could change or add.

Juliette was tired of reading her assignment, sad of having tears in her eyes all the time and it was the same for the others. They were all emotional in some way, David a bit less of course, and they didn't like remembering those painful things, moments, that led them to Horizon.

"Well, I think it's time to go" Shelby said looking at her watch showing it was 7.53 pm.

They all went outside without saying a word. The boys had been waiting for them near their dorm to go to the lounge with them. Just another excuse to spend more time together. Auggie kissed Juliette's forehead and held her hand. They came in the lounge. For once Peter and Sophie were already waiting for them.

"Hi guys, I hope you didn't forget" Peter started hoping they knew what he was talking about.

"How could we ?" David said with a grin, "You kept reminding us everytime you could" he said annoyed.

"I know" Peter simply said, "But it is important".

They all sighed as they sat down. Peter noticed right away that Juliette was still not doing better. She noticed he was looking at her and offered him a smile right away, a fake smile she hoped he'd buy but of course he didn't. Peter was hard to lie to, with words or body language. He could feel things, that was probably why he was so good at his job and he really enjoyed it, there was nothing more important to him than helping others.

Peter asked for their homework and they all gave it to him. Some had written a lot, some not much. He waited for them to sad down before telling them that they had to read it out loud.

"So, now that you're done with your assignment you can share it with others" he said.

"But, I thought it was private" Shelby complained.

"Well, I never said it was" Peter said.

"You never said it wasn't" Scott replied.

_He made a point_, Peter thought.

"It's a good thing for you to share your work, your thoughts, your life" Sophie said, "You're all friends now, we know about each others lives".

They weren't convinced so Peter decided to talk again.

"It is a good thing because you have to learn to share things, to share with people you trust, people you care about and who care about you too, and because some of you might be ashamed of some of the things that you wrote and you have to learn to not be ashamed of yourself. Nobody will laugh at you here, nobody will judge. We all come from somewhere, we've all been having a hard life, we know that, we're not that to compare or judge or anything but to share ! Of course I can't force you to read it out loud and I wouldn't want to anyway, it is your choice to make but really think about it, it's a good thing !"

They knew that once Peter had started talking he could go on forever and never stop. So the sooner the better, they thought.

"ok ok I'll start" Scott said kind of to make Peter shut up. The rest of the Cliffhangers thanked Scott nodding.

"So how do I have to do it ? I mean do I start with the writing or the poem ?" Scott asked looking at Peter and Sophie.

"It's like you want Scott" Sophie said.

"Ok" he said taking a deep breath as if he was about to make a big effort, "I was a great player, soccer was my life. I love my mom and once my parents got a divorce my dad started seeing that girl Elaine, then they got married and everything went wrong. At first she would come to my room at night when there was a thunderstorm and she would say she was scared and she would hug me to feel safe and then she would call me Scottie and get into bed with me and do those things to me, and force me to…" he paused to hold back his tears.

"It's good Scott you can do it" Peter told him, "We're all here. And if you feel the tears coming don't hold them back, let them come, I promise you that nobody will laugh" as he said that he gave David a stern look telling him that he better not open his big mouth to say something unkind and he apparently got the message for once. "Take your time Scott, keep sharing with us".

"But why do we have to do this ?" Scott said quite angry, "You know about us already, everyone of us knows about each other's story so why ?" was all Scott could come up with at the moment.

"Trust me Scott it will do you good, you have to share more and more. I know it's hard but trust me about this ok. I've never lied to you !" Peter said.

"Ok" Scott said ready to keep sharing what everybody already knew. "Then she would come to my room every night. She would say I wanted it but it wasn't true. I would ask her to stop but she wouldn't. She would say I had to follow the rules otherwise she would tell my dad about the drugs and everything. Because I started getting high because of her, of what she was doing to me, I needed to be high. Every night. In my room. I don't know how it happened. She would get into bed with me, start by touching my chest, saying I had a great body, say I was hers, I would belong to her, then she would take it in her hand and I would try hard not to show any emotions and she would laugh saying my body was always betraying me and that there was no need to fight cause she would always win anyway and get what she wanted. Then she forced me to write her love letters. She would take any chance she had to have her hands on me. Then I got sent here cause of my drug use and everything and one day my dad came here with that skank to have dinner with me and she touched me again while he wasn't around, with her hands under the table... I told her I'd tell everything to my dad and she said that he wouldn't believe me anyway, that nobody would, nobody would believe a junkie like me. Later that day in your office Peter I told my dad why I was getting high everyday. She denied as you know. After I told you what was happening at home you said you had to call CPS (Child Protection Service). I didn't want that ! I felt like you betrayed me ! The cops went home and found the love letters she forced me to write her and because of that they didn't believe me. How could a guy be forced to have sex with his stepmother after all huh ? Only girls can be raped, guys that doesn't happen so they didn't believe me when you said I had to tell them my story in front of a camcorder ! That made me feel even worse. My dad still won't believe me ! He said he had no son anymore ! I still feel dirty and everything is her fault. I wish that skank would die ! I can still hear her calling me Scottie every night. I have nightmares of her coming here…" Everybody could now sense some anger, pain and sadness in Scott's voice, which was normal. Most of them were having tears in their eyes.

"It's alright Scott" Peter said.

"No, it's not, she rapped me every night and they believed her !" Scott said with now the tears falling down his cheeks.

Shelby got up to hug him but he pushed her away telling her to leave him alone. She was upset.

"Ok, time for the stupid poem now" Scott said angrily.

"Getting high

Every night

Hoping she'd just die

And I wouldn't cry

In my room, in my bed

When I'm trying to rest

Starting by touching my chest

No more she had promised"

"I know it's not great" Scott said trying to calm down, "I've never been able to write well and even less poetry".

"You're wrong Scott" Peter said, "It's a really good and well written poem"

_Yea you'd say that even if it sucked, you'd never say you don't like it anyway_, Scott thought.

"And there's no good or bad way to write down your feelings" Peter added.

He looked at all of the Cliffhangers' faces and they all seemed sad to hear Scott's story once again with more details this time. Scott sat down beside Shelby and whispered he was sorry and she said there was no need to apologize, she could understand why he pushed her away.

"Who's next ?" Peter asked knowing that nobody would be enthusiast about that.

Kat got up.

"Thanks Kat" Peter said with a smile. She smiled back.

"I always loved my family, I'm glad those people adopted me, I love my sister. Everything was going fine, we were happy. Then one day I went for swim and I didn't see my little sister follow me. It's the last time we saw us. She drowned and I tried to save her but I couldn't. Now I have to live with that. With the fact that she died because of me" she said tears in her eyes, "I feel responsible for that and I always will. If I hadn't gone swimming she wouldn't have either and she'd still be here now. She died because of me, because I was stupid, I couldn't protect her. I'm guilty. My parents tried to make me understand that it wasn't my fault, I didn't understand how they could not be mad at me for what happened. She showed me their love more and more everyday and it was just too much for me. My sister died and nothing will ever make her come back. It should have been me, not her ! I should have died ! So, soon after that, I went crazy and started stealing things, I was very depressed and lost. I got sent here." she stopped all of a sudden, it was enough. Peter thanked her nodding.

"Good job, Kat" he said and she just slightly smiled, "But you know that it wasn't your fault ! You're not guilty, not responsible for what happened" he said trying to convince her. That's how he realized that she would agree with him to get rid of him in some way like most of them did as they wouldn't hear what he would say sometimes, people don't like to face the truth and hear what's real. So for weeks she had behaved like she knew she wasn't responsible when in fact she still thought she was.

_I have to be more careful about that_, Peter thought.

"Ok my poem" Kat said.

"You were my sunshine

My little sister

I should have protected you

I'm sorry I couldn't

Because of me you left forever

I wish there was something I could do

Every night I cry

You'll always be in my heart

Hoping I would wake up from that nightmare

Little sister

Just keep in mind

That I love you forever

"Well done Kat" Peter said.

"Thank you" she answered as she sat down.

Peter asked who wanted to read next and when nobody got up he asked for Daisy if she wanted to share. She just rolled her eyes as she got up to read her homework.

"I hate my house, I hate my parents, I hate everything. They drink all the time and get beaten up by each other, it's crazy at home. Since I was a kid mom would drive the car and I would be in it to go to school or when she would pick me up from school and she would drive crazy and I had to shut my eyes everyday and pray that nothing would happen, that I wouldn't die this way. One day I was angry at both of them, my dad was trying to beat me up, I took something and hit him hard… Then, I got sent here not only for that but also because I'm into gothic things and they couldn't stand that. And you all know that my mother died a few weeks ago and I had to go to the funerals."

She didn't want to hear anyone's comment about her life story so she started with her poem right away.

"My poem now, I called it 'I hate you' :

I hate you for drinking all the time

For beating each other up

For beating me up

For not treating me like you should

For not loving me

For not being responsible

For driving the car when you were drunk when I was just a child

For making me feel like I'm nothing

I just hate you !"

"Thank you Daisy, well done as well" Peter said as she sat back.

Shelby got up to read her work. She took a deep breathe before starting.

"I love my little sister Jess, I hate my mom, I hate Walt, my step dad. I mainly hate my mom because she's blind and never saw what Walt was doing to me and now refuses to believe me and says I'm a liar. He would come to my room and say I was sexy. He would take off my clothes and rape me over and over again and would say that if I told nobody he would do the same to Jess. One day I had enough, I ran away and realized I had no money. I started turning tricks and was a full time prostitute" she said as tears were falling down her cheeks, "I met a few girls, we became friends. We would get high to be able to sell ourselves in the streets. Then, my best friend died of an OD. I wish I died too ! The cops caught me and I got sent here"

Before anyone could say anything she read her poem.

"You deserve to die

Because in a bad way you changed my life

You changed me forever

With you dead life would be better

Everyday you would take off my clothes

And make sure the door's closed

Before causing me more pain

For everything that happened you I blame"

Everyone was getting more emotional as they would share their stories.

"Thank you Shelby that was well written" Peter said.

She sat back, Peter asked David to share his assignment with the rest of them but he didn't want to, he didn't say anything. So, Ezra got up ready to read his stuff.

"My parents adopted me to try to have a better relationship but it didn't change much, they're always on about their divorce and using me like a ball between them and I hate that. All they can do is yell. It was hard for me and I turned to drugs, after lots of bad stuff when everything went wrong I got sent here to meet nice people" Ezra said, "Sorry Peter that's not much I know but I didn't know what else to write".

"Don't worry Ezra it's ok" Peter said offering him a smile, "Let's hear your poem now"

"Ok here we go :

Too busy arguing

To notice I was there

You didn't see all the pain

That you caused me

I did drugs

To find what you didn't give me

Some kind of happiness"

"Thanks Ezra that was really nice" Peter said, "Juliette your turn".

She got up thinking about whether to share or not. Peter thought she wouldn't do it but he saw she would and hoped that she had written more into her essay, that maybe she talked about what was going on with her now".

"I'm a cutter, I have anorexia and bulimia. I hate food, I hate my mother, I hate myself and my body. At home my mom always made me mad, she wanted me to be perfect but I could never be. She would always tell me what to do and how to do it, she would command me and I had to follow like a soldier or a slave. She would be mean to me everyday bringing me down. She would get married to someone else almost every year. I started not eating much at all or making myself throw up after eating, trying to be perfect. It gave me some kind of control, power. I was finally able to decide something, make my own decisions, my own choices. One day when I made myself throw up I hurt my throat pretty bad and got scared. I started talking to nobody and keeping everything to myself as there was nobody I could talk to, nobody to confide in, nobody to listen, nobody to care" she said with tears in her eyes, "I don't really remember how or why but one day I was so angry and sad that it seemed like the only solution. I was in my room and saw my scissors near a book. It seemed like the thing to do, the only thing to do. I took them and without thinking violently cut my upper arm a few times. Then realizing what I had done I just dropped the scissors. I saw the blood on the floor and it was scary. But I felt a pain, a new pain I had never known or felt before, and it was good. It was the only thing I would focus on, I wouldn't be mad or sad anymore, I would feel some kind of soothing, calm, relief. I wouldn't think of anything negative for a while, I would feel quite good and wished that feeling would never leave me but it did after what seemed like half an hour. And then I would feel bad again, maybe even worse when I realized what had happened. In fact, it took me some time to face that because for a while I thought it had been a nightmare, I thought it didn't happen, I never thought I had done that, that was impossible, too weird. But the blood on the ground proved me it had happened. I didn't know what to think. I cleaned the mess and my wounds, quickly covering them with bandages and my clothes. I was feeling bad for what I had done and also because that feeling or relief was totally gone and nothing had been resolved. I was still mad at my mom and sad at the same time. And now I had scars to hide. Even though I hated doing that and was disgusted by myself and mad for doing that I did it again a few weeks later and then several times a week. It would make me feel better, it was great, I would feel good and not think about what was really bothering me for a while. Then, I needed to do it more and more, everyday, several times a day, everytime there was something upsetting me or everytime I would feel sad, angry, hurt, in pain,… I needed to do it, strong feeling, not just in my head. I would have to do it a lot more and would only think of that 24/7, the only thing in my head and it would destroy me a bit more everyday" she continued as tears would fall down her cheeks.

"Thanks for sharing Juliette, you can read your poem now" Peter wasn't quite sure what to say to not bring her down and make her feel bad, "It's really good Juliette, I'm proud of you".

She didn't even look at him, ashamed of herself and what she didn't say. She started reading her poem.

"I cut because of you

Because you made me to

You hate me almost as much as I hate you

You make me feel like I'm nothing

Everyday you make me hurt myself

Not knowing I'm bleeding

As I'm keeping everything to myself

Because of you I've become a mess

I wish I had the courage to press the blade harder

So I would lose all my blood and die

Reach the final relief

Not having to cut myself everyday

Because I need it

From all the pain I'd be released

You I wouldn't bother

You don't care anyway

"It's really good Juliette, you can do it, keep talking…" Peter said knowing there was more to it, "I'm sure you have more to say, am I right ?" he asked as she starred at the ground. Also, by her poem he noticed that she could be suicidal and knew that he'd have to keep a close eye on her. _We'll have a lot to talk about together_, he thought.

"I… I cut myself a few days ago" she said waiting for Peter to yell at her or punish her or something but he was calm, quite happy she had said it.

"And ?" he said trying to lead her to say more.

"And yesterday again, and today again" she said as the tears would be more obvious now and she would sob quite hard being mad at herself for letting her emotions take over and everybody could see.

"Don't worry Juliette, we're here to help you ! Everything will be alright" Peter said trying to comfort her.

"No" she said, "Everything's not going to be ok, you have no idea how it's like, how it feels like, I need it" she said between sobs.

"You're right, I don't know all those things, that's why I want you to share them with me, talk to me, tell me how it feels like to you, help me understand" he said hoping she would agree.

"I can't" she simply said.

"Yes you can Juliette, saying that you can't is the easy answer, you're stronger than this"

"I'm not, I'm weak" she said not daring to look at him or any other member of the group.

"You're not weak and you're not alone" Peter said getting up to hug her but as he did she pushed him away and left, he let her go but Sophie went outside to keep an eye on her.

"Thank you guys for sharing" Peter said, "I know it was hard for you but you can be proud of yourselves, I am proud of you ! Though I noticed that none of you mentioned your future, why's that ?"

They were all too sleepy and sad to answer but Daisy managed to say a few words.

"Because it's hard enough to live with the past that we have and try to get better in the present to think about the future" she said.

Peter found that to be an ok answer.

"Ok guys time for bed now" He said as it was quite late already, "Keep in mind that we're all doing a great job here, I'm proud of you and you should be too. It was great that you could share your story once again and with more details tonight. We'll talk more tomorrow" he said thinking about more therapy session and not always group therapy, more one-on-one therapy to see what everyone of them was really thinking and feeling and not have someone fall back into their bad habits and addictions like Juliette. He was still mad at himself for not seeing that, for not noticing, he felt kind of guilty. He knew those kids, he should be able to always notice when there's something wrong and prevent that kind of behavior. He knew he'd have to work more with Juliette and that it wouldn't be easy. She was less open to him than before, that he knew ! He had to establish that close link, that communication, again. And get to see the real Juliette between the lies and not buy everything I say but trying to really get to her and he'd get to that whatever it would take him, he would focus on that without forgetting about the other Cliffhangers of course. But right now Juliette was his priority. He didn't want the situation to get even worse. He didn't know that she was really addicted to cutting as he had no idea of what had happened last night when she had that urge to cut but he could sense that it wasn't just some little cuts she had done just like that.

Also, he wondered how come nobody had found some razor blade or scissors or anything when Juliette had been searched and her bags as well. He felt guilty for that too. They should have found it !

From now on he'd pay more attention to her. He'd be there to help her, that was a promised he made to himself. He wouldn't let her down, never. He was devoted to helping them all and that was what he would do and right now Juliette needed him the most even though she wouldn't admit it and wouldn't ask for help. Just like she wouldn't realize that she had a problem, he knew he had to make her face that and accept that first in order for her to stop denying and lying to herself, this would only make things worse.

He'd talk to her more tomorrow. He'd have to get her to talk about her cutting, why she was doing it again, how, how it made her feel, just as much as he could ask to try to understand. He'd also have to get her tell him what she used and how she god that. He'd have to find a way to get her to open up to him face to face and not just with words on a paper but he was ready for that, he was ready to give her all the attention and help she needed. She would get over that, she'd get better, with him helping her.

-THE END-

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK, THANKS !**


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